Water Under the Bridge

Okay, it's been awhile but I wanted to update you on crossfit, and yoga. Note: Blaving means to forcefully tell the truth. Crossfit is for psychotic masochists with OCD. It is essentially a bit of stretching, a series of Olympic lifts, jr high calisthenics and trying not to puke. Resulting in: groin pulls, popped hamstrings, back sprains, wrist injuries, shoulder injuries, and soreness past your core being into your bone marrow. It is the furthest thing from fitness and seems to be made for the pain, gain and sprain crowd. After stretching, which is a loose description as the 20-something's in class are loose enough to auto-fellate themselves (we've all been there). After 5 minutes of "stretching" there is a series of Olympic style lifts: Dead lift. Which is the lift that makes people over 50 poop a little. Front Jerk Lift. Which is not the guy who wears doll clothes and sits in the lobby soaked with hideous man-sweat admiring his physiology. It is the deadl...

...Sanitarium. He’s in the Hudson River Sanitarium It was a very hot late June Friday in upstate NY. The heat and humidity sucked the moisture from me and soaked my clothes. Every where I went I was sweating, hot, fidgety, miserable, angry, frustrated, uncomfortable, thirsty, short tempered, and typically pissed off. Cruising the byways of Fishkill NY with my brother and my SiL (sister in law) we all decided that the heat would make anyone a little nutty. It was sure working its mojo on me and the main reason I tried to not talk, answer everyone politely and not shift in my clothes too quickly (or my scrotum would rip apart and the day would be complete). It was past Africa hot. It was east coast, people dying in their house, soaked shirt, soaked shorts, shiny face, matted hair, wheezing, huffing, puffing, lip sweat, pitted out, without a doubt - hell for us out of towners. The heat was exhausting. At the end of our first day there a Friday I told myself if I can get past this heat...

It is said that every dog has its day. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. An apple a day. Dip it don't soak it. You're eyes will get stuck like that. Two men enter one man leaves. Would you like that super sized. Live in the moment. The journey is the reward (and they are touring again). Good men are hard to find. A bird in hand. Every rose has its thorn. Hold your horses. Take it down a notch. Pin your ears back. You can’t take it with you. Don’t pick at it. Pick your battles. Pick your poison. An ounce of prevention. This goes to eleven. Open the pod bay doors. I’ll be back. Phone home. Show me the money. Plastics. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. You can’t handle the truth. There’s no place like home. Stupid is as stupid does. Don’t stop believing. Don’t tug on Superman’s cape. Two out of three ain’t bad. Finally a broken clock is right twice a day and stop - Hammertime. It is with tremen...

In the California Governor's race where Meg was the Republican Guard’s front runner she spent $106 of her own money per vote (just slightly over the MSRP of an HP Office Jet 6500A All-In-One printer. If she had mailed me that printer instead of the lame political ads that smacked of old school Proctor & Gamble Swiffer marketing, I might have been swayed (not really). For those if use who reside on earth that is $177,000,000 of her personal cashizzle to get run in the general election. And why? Her campaign strategist is an idiot. Carpet bombing California about Jerry Brown’s foibles was dumb. Really dumb. He’s Jerry Freakin’ Brown and we already know all that. Bad hire (campaign strategist and team). Did you know she paid over $800K to her campaign manager? That makes Newt G’s run at Tiffany’s look like a monetary hissy fit. her campaign staff strategy was the worst recognition of the political climate since the U.S. of A. armed Bin Laden to fight the Russians. A CEO has to kno...

“He wrote the Statue of Liberty” Above is an an actual quote from a wife beater wearing, PBR drinking, git yer hands off my guns bumper sticker sporting, no filter Camel smoking, sitting on the sea wall with sparks in his comb over, 50 something hard guy. Tonight would be freakin’ beautiful. Of course he meant the National Anthem and his lab partners also working on their thesis in frontal lobe reduction via formaldehyde based recreational adult soda mentioned that Frances Scott Keyes, wrote the National Anthem. So it went for us on July 4th. “God Bless America!” was the follow up to the misspoken authorship of the French wench in NYC harbor. “Durka Durka Dooooo!” Came from somewhere behind me. If the Taliban could see this, the would put all their money into space research and get the hell off earth. These men cannot be reasoned with, they do not eat, do not sleep, and use the cardboard insert from the three pack of white wife-beaters they bought at Target as a dust pan to get the flo...

On January 22nd of the year of the hare I wiped out on my road bike and managed to implement a Class III separation of my Acromioclavicular Joint (AC Joint). For us lay persons that is a joint in your shoulder. On February 2 (also year of the hare) I had the joint surgically repaired and have been recovering ever since, and let me tell you it hurts. One part of the healing process is the unsolicited advice on healing from all persons who you may call friends or at least call acquaintances. Thought I would share some of the suggestions I get from my unpaid group of advisors on healing my shoulder: I call them my ill-advisors, that is people who tell me they know someone who had something similar to what I am going through and they have the best 'cure.' Here are the best so far: Vitamin D3 - or calciol which is a form of Vitamin D structurally similar to steroids and has all kinds of good benefits for healing, except it's poisonous in large doses. Acupuncture - c'mon you ...

In August of 2010 my Mum suffered a hemorrhagic stroke of her left frontal lobe. For us lay-people this when blood bleeds into the brain and reeks all kinds of havoc up to killing the person. The pressure on the brain and the toxicity of the blood are not good. This type of stroke is typically caused by high blood pressure which me Mum has. In order to prevent death timeliness of care is paramount. My Mum was at the a hair salon so you know the personnel were ready to respond in a professional manner. I will skip the details but her stroke involved paramedics, a helicopter flight to a neurological specialist center (about $13,000) and the miracle drug tPA. tPa or Tissue Plasminogen Activator is a medication which is used to break up blood clots during an acute (read:bad) stroke. It saved Mum’s life. I told that story to tell you this one. For some reason my Mum on a small fixed income was extended credit by two Bank, Wells Fargo (@ 29.99% interest) and GE Money Bank (@ 24.99% interest)...

So here's the deal, friend of mine has the best medical blog in the world. And as a result I am getting some serious man-love going for him and want his life which is problematic as his yard has a high fence. He mentioned to me that the voting for medical blog of the year was taking place this last weekend. His competition was overseas in India and the competition had has about 6.3 million Facebook friends. That means to win this Dr. ZDoggMD would need hundreds of votes to win. With mission parameters set, I voted and turns out Dr. ZDoggMD won. He is the shiz-nit in the medical video-blogging world. Go here to be enlightened and frightened: http://zdoggmd.com/ Where is this going? Simple here is the last email exchange between ZD-izzle and me about the voting results. One other bit of info is on January 22, 2011 I crashed hard on my road bike and separated my shoulder, really separated it. Thanks to modern medicine I had it repaired on February 2, 2011 and and now whining my way ba...

Truer words one will most likely never hear. Girls like guys with skills. All types of skills. Since the Agents are reaching the age where the opposite sex is becoming interesting I decided to give them some skills, and bragging rights with an overnight backpacking trip. So the Supreme Commander set up a trip in the Cascades in Washington. It was to be an overnight survival skills building trip. As I explained it, “Agents, after this trip you will make Bear Grylls look like a hand model.” Agent Hotkoffee used another word involving hand to describe the Bear, again this is a family blog. Agent Hofkoffee thought it was a great idea and she volunteered to assist with the training. Since she is more than qualified I asked her along. Figured I needed it in case the agents went off the rails. Okay, more like when the agents go off the rails. The trip was scheduled for one night in the woods off Boulder Creek Trail in the Darrington National Forest. The hike into the campsite is a moderate hi...

Here is a portion of an email exchange I had with a good friend. I consider him very funny as he is exacting in his humor. The thread is about what car to buy for his new gig in Oakland, CA. I of course wanted him to go for speed and the high probability of getting a cap busted in his a**, he of course has the perfect solution (edited to protect the innocent). No doubt the STi rocks, but that would get me back into the R32 realm which (sadly) I needed to leave when I shuffled off to Noir City. No, I've decided to confuse friends, enemies, family, strangers, and even Sadie by going old school. Or - as some might think - Total Retard. Read on... My friend X who, together with you, I consulted about my car choices made a good point: avoid the awkward years of car electronics. Depending on brand, that meant anything from about 1972 to the early/mid 1990s. Hard to work on, prone to failure, hard to find parts for. Factor in my budget, my sort of rekindled Bohemian sensibilities, ...

Here is a description of the new product I am selling - it is a can't miss... Gist Extractionificator with Semantic Cartridges (GESC) With the global electronic data expanding at astronomical rate from 15 ayottabytes to over 22 kazillabytes the need for a galactically scalable, adjudable-matrixed extractionificator that not only provides meaning-welding it can simultaneously buffer and negate idea distancing in polynomial matrices. Our research team used derivative vector processing instructions as the foundation for creating parrallelizable semantic cartridges. To achieve the scale required for kazillabyte real time processing the semantic cartridges were infused with Boolean de-aggregators that use satisfaction logic for distributed mining extensions. This breakthrough allows the GESC to federate a Fibbonacci sequence at 10 to the 11th in relative near-real time terms while maintaining linearity in the cost model. Architecturally advances were made in Super-High-Integrated-Transa...

After a lot of pressure to give the two complete screw ups a second chance to get some kind of reward by completing something. It was creepy to me that a number of real parents said I had to reward the effort even if the failed or I would be sending the wrong message. Huh. How my brain was working was this was a much a responsibility (like a job) as anything else and not a training course where a ‘C’ is okay. As I told the Agents up front a “c’ or average effort will get you fried. So if you are not up for an ‘A’ level effort, do not bother to even say you will. Get it right or go home empty handed. Kind of like all the jobs you have after you get out of school. What I was thinking is how to let them off the hook without excusing their lame effort (losing the last clue). Reaching into the October 2008 archive when the actual Golden Gun from the Bond film The Man with the Golden Gun was stolen I sent this communication to the Agents: Agents I was captured by the group KAOS. I had to sur...

Yeah, it all came to a screeching halt, on the overnight portion of the four day program. All in all no major injuries, or sudden deaths so a victory none the less. Here is how it came to a hard stop: One of the planning stages of this secret agent mission was to make certain I maintained a professional distance form the field agents. More literally translated - I needed a break or someone was going down to friendly fore. So I built in day for as my break and my worldly counterpart, Valeria Hotkoffee would take the boys to her friend’s farm. The clue was for the boy to use the information on the jump drive to locate the farm. The data was an instruction letter like I always give them, plus a link to a Yahoo! map of an overhead view of the property. From all of the information given in the letter and available on the map view the two agents should be able to figure this out. I was banking on the fact the agents had a sleep over at the farm and the mission was at night in the creepiest p...

(Use Keifer Sutherland’s voice here) – “Previously on Secret Mission Blog post”: AL – “YOU”RE DOING IT WRONG! LET ME DO IT!” AM – “NO I’M NOT! LET GO OF ME!” Smack, push, scream, yelp, teeth gritting wrestle-mania, Supreme Commander steps in and separates them and talks them down. For the next part of the mission I wanted to make sure Agent Mongoose (AM) used his computer skills for something other than propelling a fat Italian guy through a series of obstacles using tools no one has in the real world. Enter the satellite charged jump drive. Being a veteran of two of three tech industry events a year I have several jump drive (USB flash drives to the layperson) and decided to put the next set of mission instructions on it so AM would have to use the computer. The instructions from the travel agency were to meet with the SC and go over where the next clue was located (in my yard). The travel agency brochure had a letter that was a clue (ok it was a clue for 10 year old kids,...