Yeah, it all came to a screeching halt, on the overnight portion of the four day program.
All in all no major injuries, or sudden deaths so a victory none the less. Here is how it came to a hard stop:
One of the planning stages of this secret agent mission was to make certain I maintained a professional distance form the field agents. More literally translated - I needed a break or someone was going down to friendly fore. So I built in day for as my break and my worldly counterpart, Valeria Hotkoffee would take the boys to her friend’s farm. The clue was for the boy to use the information on the jump drive to locate the farm. The data was an instruction letter like I always give them, plus a link to a Yahoo! map of an overhead view of the property. From all of the information given in the letter and available on the map view the two agents should be able to figure this out. I was banking on the fact the agents had a sleep over at the farm and the mission was at night in the creepiest part of the farm. Again, what could possibly go wrong?
Let’s start with getting the data off the jump drive. Both agents reassured me they could do this and the conversation from them meant to persuade me of their vast Information Technology mental resources went like this:
“ CAN’T EVEN GET TO LEVEL 12 ON !
“YES I CAN. YOU”RE JUST MAD BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU ON!
“WELL THAT JUST PROVES IT! YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHO THE MAIN AVATAR IS! YOU’RE A LIAR! UNCLE HE’S LYING> I HATE IT WHEN HE LIES!”
Smack, teeth gritting animal attack. Shrieks of pain, head shots, kicks, wild swings, blindside side of head smacking. Suddenly I noticed I Was watching them fight too long, so I stepped in and asked one to leave and take alp around the house. He was later found in front of the stupid f**king show about a multi-celled ocean bottom dweller with square pants.
Turns out my estimation of the elder of the two agents computer savvy was off. Turns out a jump drive to a a video-gaming 11 year old might as well be a spark plug. Turns out he had no idea where it went on the computer, what it was for and how to open it. So I walked him through it. I could tell we had lost momentum as a team as now the kept asking what the reward was. Once remarking if it (the mission) was worth it. So After basically telling the agent to get lost as the Supreme Commander would have to decrypt the jump drive files and print I resigned myself to printing out the instructions then set out to get the Agents from in front of the TV and to review what they should do.
As much as I hate TV watching for kids they seemed okay and calmer when I reviewed the plans. After an uneventful review of mission tactics the Agents and Valeria, teh dog all packed up and headed off to the Santa Cruz mountains for the next phase of the mission.
The farm is on 5 acres outside of Soquel and has a main farm house, a two car garage with a shop, an old dairy barn which has a level for the cows when being milked and a lower level for the workers. Adjacent to the dairy barn is a cement area for staging cows to be milked. The real deal is the obligatory run down barn just up the hill from the dairy barn. It is resplendent in its decay. Boards flap in the wind. The wind howls through the openings, it is dark, smells like a lot of “poop and pee” according to the debriefing of the agents. Of course the old barn was to be the pick up area.
I had prepared an instruction letter for the past pick up and wrapped it in thick construction paper, the kind you use to cover new hardwood floors while work is still being dome on your house. It is a weird reddish-orange. Then I tied it off with old twine. So the clue literally looked like it has been there a awhile. The agents, escorted by Ms Hotkoffee where to pick up the clue at night. Oh, one more thing:
The agents were going to camp out in the yard. So I had to show them how to set up a 3 man tent. Here I will shamelessly plug L.L. Bean as the set up for their Ultralight 3-man tent was so brain dead easy even a 9 and 11 year old set it up and took it down on the first try. I digress as that was uneventful.
After an evening of a good mountain bike ride and then some bad Sci-Fi I figured I would get ready for the agents to arrive and the last phase of the mission. I was reflecting on what an excellent job I did and how the kids, even with their challenges to focus really had bought in to this and were serious about the mission and the reward.
When they arrived home the story of what happened was a bit jumbled. It ranged from how Elvis the dog had farted in the tent and Agent Hotkoffee had to open the rain fly, all the way to Agent Linoleum lost the clue. So we sat down for a mission debriefing that went like this:
“SUPREME COMMANDER! SUPREME COMMANDER ELVIS FARTED ALL NIGHT!”
“SO DID YOU!’
“NUH-UNH! YOU GOT SCARED AND HAD TO GO INSIDE! YOU WERE SCARED!”
‘ELVIS WAS FARTING REALLY BAD!”
“Guys, where is the clue?”
“HE LOST IT! IT’S HIS FAULT! HE LOST IT!”
“SHUT UP! “ (smacking him in the head rather hard)
You know the drill here smacking, attacking and hacking. Breathe.
“Guys what happend?”
“HE LOST THE CLUE! YOU LOST IT”
“Whoa, Agent slow your roll, if the clue is missing it is both of your faults. And if the data is missing then the mission failed and we all go home. What happened?”
A more serious retelling of the events took place and outside of the methane issue with the canine the clue was indeed missing. The agents called the field agent at the farm and she looked everywhere and called the next day and said she found nothing. the agents were collectively bummed. And as the SC I could not reward or let them know this was OK. So I told them if the clue is not found by the time they leave I will have to meet out some disciplinary actions - up to and including being fired from your voluntary secret agent job.
It amazes me that kids are so honest with their body language. As I informed them the day before they left for their trip home I would have to, at a minimum, suspend them until I get with the Ultimate Mission Commander (my dog) and decide on final discipline.
The left with their heads hung but they had a great time and had secret agent kits to boot. The next week I sent them this letter (Late September):
Supreme Commander – Communiqué - Notice of Disciplinary Hearing Results
After presenting to the review board the following has been decided with respect to the disciplinary notices sent to Agents (snip for security reasons).
Agent Mongoose – you will be reinstated as of October first and eligible for a mission that is going to take place in October. Congratulations. Please be sure to obtain a flashlight with a laser on it. There is a few for sale at Camano Marine located just north east of Terry’s Corner at 909 State Highway 532. Please confirm you have this vital piece of equipment for your next mission.
Agent Linoleum – Your suspension has been extended through the month of October. This is due to you being seen cutting in line at the Elks Club BBQ on Camano Island. In addition after you cut the line you dropped your food. Wasting food is not something agents do at any time. Food is fuel and fuel can mean the difference between life and death. An agent is many things but first and foremost he is a gentleman and recognizes he does not use his skillz to cut in line. No further discipline was handed down and you are active on November 1st for the December mission.
What does this mean? Agent Mongoose will have to go solo on the October mission. It is unfortunate but rules are rules. Agent Conner you will receive instructions on your mission in the next two weeks. Agent L – stay in good physical shape and practice your gentleman skillz.
Signed - SC
Needless to day Agent Mongoose was happy and Agent L was bummed but told his parents he was relieved as he thought ‘for sure’ he would get fired. So he figured he could put up with his brother’s crap for a month and then regain his field operations status.
I had a couple of real parents I talked to tell me I should reward them for a job ‘almost well done.’ No way. I told them if they want that job they should be full time kids when they grow up because I have never worked in an environment where you fail and get rewarded. Uncle ‘Tough Love’ I am now called. Really? C’mon....
All in all no major injuries, or sudden deaths so a victory none the less. Here is how it came to a hard stop:
One of the planning stages of this secret agent mission was to make certain I maintained a professional distance form the field agents. More literally translated - I needed a break or someone was going down to friendly fore. So I built in day for as my break and my worldly counterpart, Valeria Hotkoffee would take the boys to her friend’s farm. The clue was for the boy to use the information on the jump drive to locate the farm. The data was an instruction letter like I always give them, plus a link to a Yahoo! map of an overhead view of the property. From all of the information given in the letter and available on the map view the two agents should be able to figure this out. I was banking on the fact the agents had a sleep over at the farm and the mission was at night in the creepiest part of the farm. Again, what could possibly go wrong?
Let’s start with getting the data off the jump drive. Both agents reassured me they could do this and the conversation from them meant to persuade me of their vast Information Technology mental resources went like this:
“
“YES I CAN. YOU”RE JUST MAD BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU ON
“WELL THAT JUST PROVES IT! YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHO THE MAIN AVATAR IS! YOU’RE A LIAR! UNCLE
Smack, teeth gritting animal attack. Shrieks of pain, head shots, kicks, wild swings, blindside side of head smacking. Suddenly I noticed I Was watching them fight too long, so I stepped in and asked one to leave and take alp around the house. He was later found in front of the stupid f**king show about a multi-celled ocean bottom dweller with square pants.
Turns out my estimation of the elder of the two agents computer savvy was off. Turns out a jump drive to a a video-gaming 11 year old might as well be a spark plug. Turns out he had no idea where it went on the computer, what it was for and how to open it. So I walked him through it. I could tell we had lost momentum as a team as now the kept asking what the reward was. Once remarking if it (the mission) was worth it. So After basically telling the agent to get lost as the Supreme Commander would have to decrypt the jump drive files and print I resigned myself to printing out the instructions then set out to get the Agents from in front of the TV and to review what they should do.
As much as I hate TV watching for kids they seemed okay and calmer when I reviewed the plans. After an uneventful review of mission tactics the Agents and Valeria, teh dog all packed up and headed off to the Santa Cruz mountains for the next phase of the mission.
The farm is on 5 acres outside of Soquel and has a main farm house, a two car garage with a shop, an old dairy barn which has a level for the cows when being milked and a lower level for the workers. Adjacent to the dairy barn is a cement area for staging cows to be milked. The real deal is the obligatory run down barn just up the hill from the dairy barn. It is resplendent in its decay. Boards flap in the wind. The wind howls through the openings, it is dark, smells like a lot of “poop and pee” according to the debriefing of the agents. Of course the old barn was to be the pick up area.
I had prepared an instruction letter for the past pick up and wrapped it in thick construction paper, the kind you use to cover new hardwood floors while work is still being dome on your house. It is a weird reddish-orange. Then I tied it off with old twine. So the clue literally looked like it has been there a awhile. The agents, escorted by Ms Hotkoffee where to pick up the clue at night. Oh, one more thing:
The agents were going to camp out in the yard. So I had to show them how to set up a 3 man tent. Here I will shamelessly plug L.L. Bean as the set up for their Ultralight 3-man tent was so brain dead easy even a 9 and 11 year old set it up and took it down on the first try. I digress as that was uneventful.
After an evening of a good mountain bike ride and then some bad Sci-Fi I figured I would get ready for the agents to arrive and the last phase of the mission. I was reflecting on what an excellent job I did and how the kids, even with their challenges to focus really had bought in to this and were serious about the mission and the reward.
When they arrived home the story of what happened was a bit jumbled. It ranged from how Elvis the dog had farted in the tent and Agent Hotkoffee had to open the rain fly, all the way to Agent Linoleum lost the clue. So we sat down for a mission debriefing that went like this:
“SUPREME COMMANDER! SUPREME COMMANDER ELVIS FARTED ALL NIGHT!”
“SO DID YOU!’
“NUH-UNH! YOU GOT SCARED AND HAD TO GO INSIDE! YOU WERE SCARED!”
‘ELVIS WAS FARTING REALLY BAD!”
“Guys, where is the clue?”
“HE LOST IT! IT’S HIS FAULT! HE LOST IT!”
“SHUT UP! “ (smacking him in the head rather hard)
You know the drill here smacking, attacking and hacking. Breathe.
“Guys what happend?”
“HE LOST THE CLUE! YOU LOST IT”
“Whoa, Agent slow your roll, if the clue is missing it is both of your faults. And if the data is missing then the mission failed and we all go home. What happened?”
A more serious retelling of the events took place and outside of the methane issue with the canine the clue was indeed missing. The agents called the field agent at the farm and she looked everywhere and called the next day and said she found nothing. the agents were collectively bummed. And as the SC I could not reward or let them know this was OK. So I told them if the clue is not found by the time they leave I will have to meet out some disciplinary actions - up to and including being fired from your voluntary secret agent job.
It amazes me that kids are so honest with their body language. As I informed them the day before they left for their trip home I would have to, at a minimum, suspend them until I get with the Ultimate Mission Commander (my dog) and decide on final discipline.
The left with their heads hung but they had a great time and had secret agent kits to boot. The next week I sent them this letter (Late September):
Supreme Commander – Communiqué - Notice of Disciplinary Hearing Results
After presenting to the review board the following has been decided with respect to the disciplinary notices sent to Agents (snip for security reasons).
Agent Mongoose – you will be reinstated as of October first and eligible for a mission that is going to take place in October. Congratulations. Please be sure to obtain a flashlight with a laser on it. There is a few for sale at Camano Marine located just north east of Terry’s Corner at 909 State Highway 532. Please confirm you have this vital piece of equipment for your next mission.
Agent Linoleum – Your suspension has been extended through the month of October. This is due to you being seen cutting in line at the Elks Club BBQ on Camano Island. In addition after you cut the line you dropped your food. Wasting food is not something agents do at any time. Food is fuel and fuel can mean the difference between life and death. An agent is many things but first and foremost he is a gentleman and recognizes he does not use his skillz to cut in line. No further discipline was handed down and you are active on November 1st for the December mission.
What does this mean? Agent Mongoose will have to go solo on the October mission. It is unfortunate but rules are rules. Agent Conner you will receive instructions on your mission in the next two weeks. Agent L – stay in good physical shape and practice your gentleman skillz.
Signed - SC
Needless to day Agent Mongoose was happy and Agent L was bummed but told his parents he was relieved as he thought ‘for sure’ he would get fired. So he figured he could put up with his brother’s crap for a month and then regain his field operations status.
I had a couple of real parents I talked to tell me I should reward them for a job ‘almost well done.’ No way. I told them if they want that job they should be full time kids when they grow up because I have never worked in an environment where you fail and get rewarded. Uncle ‘Tough Love’ I am now called. Really? C’mon....
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