On January 22nd of the year of the hare I wiped out on my road bike and managed to implement a Class III separation of my Acromioclavicular Joint (AC Joint). For us lay persons that is a joint in your shoulder.
On February 2 (also year of the hare) I had the joint surgically repaired and have been recovering ever since, and let me tell you it hurts.
One part of the healing process is the unsolicited advice on healing from all persons who you may call friends or at least call acquaintances.
Thought I would share some of the suggestions I get from my unpaid group of advisors on healing my shoulder:
I call them my ill-advisors, that is people who tell me they know someone who had something similar to what I am going through and they have the best 'cure.'
Here are the best so far:
Vitamin D3 - or calciol which is a form of Vitamin D structurally similar to steroids and has all kinds of good benefits for healing, except it's poisonous in large doses.
Acupuncture - c'mon you knew this was coming, according to a woman I would not let take care of my plants acupuncture speeds the healing process, strengthens the immune system, creates more red blood cells and apparently, using this woman as a test case, creates an overwhelming urge to own cats in the double digit range as well as a proclivity for way too much turquoise jewelry.
Spelt - yes that is spelt correctly (ah-thank-u). This comes from a professionally trained chef who cooks for people with ailments. Spelt is allegedly going to help rebuild my musculature, support my intestinal function, with the side benefit of increased productivity and happiness for my spleen (which I understand I can live without) and my pancreas which if I recall correctly is a heavy metal band hailing from Texas circa the early 80's. Hate to admit this but the Pancreas CD Power Metal seems to ease the pain.
Highly Oxygenated Water - yes the advisors on this one are retired and swear it will not only release toxins in my body, speed healing, slow the aging process it will also enhance 'elimination.' To be honest it gives me gas and tastes like tap water that has been oxygenated by a 4 year old blowing air in it with a straw after a hand to mouth battle with a Hot Pocket.
Healing Magnets - originally touted as an Asian healing methodology and sold via late night TV these little wonders can relieve pain, reduce inflammation, increase blood flow (more oxygen to the affected area), and one other effect, completely erase your universal remote if you set one of these bad boys to close to it while passing out from a Vicodin and pale ale overdose with GGW on the TV.
Lavender - here the list is too long to mention outside of curing me outright it will with absolute certainty make sure I do not get vaginitis. They preferred method for me according to the advisor is lavender oil near the affected area to relax the muscles and ease tension. The lavender oil does ease tension but only if applied vigorously to the johnson rod while watching Flash Dance with sound off and The Wall playing in the background.
Root Vegetables - Apparently one side effect of surgery is my chakra is out of whack. What I found whack is the advice to eat root vegetables. Nothing says 'more pain' like phytonutrients coursing through your veins followed by unexpected and hard to control elimination events. And if Burdock is a healer than Rambo has issues.
Tea - really?
Herbs - Now this is a deep and often awkward conversation on how Bilberry, Cayenne, Echinacea, Garlic, Ginger, Gingko Biloba, Ginseng, Kava Kava, St. John’s Wort, and Valerian Botanical all can assist in the healing process. After taking all these I determined my farts smelled like potpourri that had expired on Christmass 1997.
So what is a recovering patient to do?
Easy, have a Togo's #9 for breakfast with a Percoset, a lunch of Yoghurt granola and Motrin, followed by an evening meal of buffalo tenders mass produced in the midwest somewhere with a Vicodin and red wine.
On February 2 (also year of the hare) I had the joint surgically repaired and have been recovering ever since, and let me tell you it hurts.
One part of the healing process is the unsolicited advice on healing from all persons who you may call friends or at least call acquaintances.
Thought I would share some of the suggestions I get from my unpaid group of advisors on healing my shoulder:
I call them my ill-advisors, that is people who tell me they know someone who had something similar to what I am going through and they have the best 'cure.'
Here are the best so far:
Vitamin D3 - or calciol which is a form of Vitamin D structurally similar to steroids and has all kinds of good benefits for healing, except it's poisonous in large doses.
Acupuncture - c'mon you knew this was coming, according to a woman I would not let take care of my plants acupuncture speeds the healing process, strengthens the immune system, creates more red blood cells and apparently, using this woman as a test case, creates an overwhelming urge to own cats in the double digit range as well as a proclivity for way too much turquoise jewelry.
Spelt - yes that is spelt correctly (ah-thank-u). This comes from a professionally trained chef who cooks for people with ailments. Spelt is allegedly going to help rebuild my musculature, support my intestinal function, with the side benefit of increased productivity and happiness for my spleen (which I understand I can live without) and my pancreas which if I recall correctly is a heavy metal band hailing from Texas circa the early 80's. Hate to admit this but the Pancreas CD Power Metal seems to ease the pain.
Highly Oxygenated Water - yes the advisors on this one are retired and swear it will not only release toxins in my body, speed healing, slow the aging process it will also enhance 'elimination.' To be honest it gives me gas and tastes like tap water that has been oxygenated by a 4 year old blowing air in it with a straw after a hand to mouth battle with a Hot Pocket.
Healing Magnets - originally touted as an Asian healing methodology and sold via late night TV these little wonders can relieve pain, reduce inflammation, increase blood flow (more oxygen to the affected area), and one other effect, completely erase your universal remote if you set one of these bad boys to close to it while passing out from a Vicodin and pale ale overdose with GGW on the TV.
Lavender - here the list is too long to mention outside of curing me outright it will with absolute certainty make sure I do not get vaginitis. They preferred method for me according to the advisor is lavender oil near the affected area to relax the muscles and ease tension. The lavender oil does ease tension but only if applied vigorously to the johnson rod while watching Flash Dance with sound off and The Wall playing in the background.
Root Vegetables - Apparently one side effect of surgery is my chakra is out of whack. What I found whack is the advice to eat root vegetables. Nothing says 'more pain' like phytonutrients coursing through your veins followed by unexpected and hard to control elimination events. And if Burdock is a healer than Rambo has issues.
Tea - really?
Herbs - Now this is a deep and often awkward conversation on how Bilberry, Cayenne, Echinacea, Garlic, Ginger, Gingko Biloba, Ginseng, Kava Kava, St. John’s Wort, and Valerian Botanical all can assist in the healing process. After taking all these I determined my farts smelled like potpourri that had expired on Christmass 1997.
So what is a recovering patient to do?
Easy, have a Togo's #9 for breakfast with a Percoset, a lunch of Yoghurt granola and Motrin, followed by an evening meal of buffalo tenders mass produced in the midwest somewhere with a Vicodin and red wine.
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