The next secret mission was well set up as I will give myself a pat on the back on this one. I found out Agents Mongoose and Linoleum were scheduled to visit the bay area (from Papa Agent) and that Papa Agent had not told them yet. So he and I planned to set up this visit as a secret mission. Oh yeah. BTW this was a four day mission so this post will cover the mission assignment thru day one.
Mission letters went out to the agents a few weeks prior to the (already) scheduled departure. The Supreme Commander said there is a covert ops mission in San Jose Ca they have to execute as the Group of Trouble In Theory (GOT IT) were panning on hacking into the Washington State Island County Treasurer’s computer system and raising property taxes as part of a larger scheme to drive retirees and fixed income families out so they can put up casinos. Nice set up –eh?
The mission instructions told them to talk to Papa Agent and Mama Agent (known as Field Lieutenant of Personnel Omega – FLOPO and Female Lady of Personnel Alpha – FLOPA) and tell them you have to fly to San Jose for mission. When FLOPA and FLOPPO told them they would take them let’s just say the Agents were, um, wired for business. I cannot thank FLOPA and FLOPO enough for letting me get the boys spun up a couple of weeks prior to departure.
Mission instructions indicated they needed their flashlight/laser pointers and their parachute cord. Parachute cord was not used and the flashlights were.
Upon arrival the volume and speed of their explaining to the Supreme Commander all that happened between the time they got the mission instructions and when they arrived at our house. I had no idea they could be so excited for this and also no idea they would get into a fight as they tried to out-shout and out position each other to bend the Supreme Commander’s ear. The conversation went something like this:
AL – “SUPREME COMMANDER, SUPREME COMMANDER! I BROUGHT EVERYTHING AND MY DAD SAID I THAT I GET TO…”
AM – “HEY! THAT’S NOT TRUE! YOU’RE LYING! DAD DID NOT SAY THAT! YOU’RE LYING!”
AL – “NUH-ANH! IT IS TRUE! AND YOU KNOW IT IS TRUE! YOU’RE JUST…”
AM – “SUPREME COMMANDER HE”S LYING! (getting red faced here). DAD SAID THAT I COULD…”
Smack, push, scream, yelp, teeth gritting wrestle-mania, Supreme Commander steps in and separates them and talks them down. SC explains that Agents must remain calm like you see on TV. Not like the anime crap where the cartoon barely moves and the characters all have Duran Duran haircuts.
The first task was to use our dog to sniff out a clue in our house to get instructions on the next phase of the mission. Our pad has numerous hiding places and I set a travel agency brochure in a plain manila envelope in one of our porch cubby holes. The travel agency was the site of the second data drop. To make sure they Agents and the dog found the clue the Supreme Commander took a dog treat with some peanut butter on it and put it on the ground just inside the cubby. My dog could be dead two weeks and sniff that out. So the agents leashed him up and began a systematic search of the house that went something like this:
AL – “YOU”RE DOING IT WRONG! LET ME DO IT!”
AM – “NO I’M NOT! LET GO OF ME!”
Smack, push, scream, yelp, teeth gritting wrestle-mania, Supreme Commander steps in and separates them and talks them down.
SC takes the leash and helps the Agents move through the house in a bit more organized fashion all while reminding the agents of supporting your teammates and the importance of remaining calm and focused on the task. It is not a contest, well, everything between brothers is a contest. We amble along with minor skirmishes of who gets to go up the stairs first and that the old (he’s almost 12) dog is farting which to a couple of young boys is the funniest thing in the world at the moment. SC directs the mutt toward the door and the dog picks up the scent and stops at the cubby door, whining slightly as the peanut butter and dog treat smell occupies his brain. SC takes the keys out, opens the cubby, dog gets treat and both brothers lunge for the opening and see above for agent conversation and result.
Field Agent Valeria Hotkoffee (my wife and not her real name) had walked the boys and the dog by the travel agency earlier that morning. So when SC wrested the envelope found in the cubby from the agents prior to it being destroyed in a medieval tug of war he gave the envelope to Agent Mongoose to open. AM you see was running the field op and had to coordinate and observe and would not actually be involved in any data drops. The SC said that our evil nemesis GOT IT had obtained a photo of AM and he could not be seen in the field for the duration of the mission. But he had the most important job of coordinating AL data drops and would be field supervisor along with the SC.
AL recognized the travel agency brochure from their morning walk so the team went to the SC home office for a mission briefing. For the next phase of the mission (Friday Morning) AL would have to enter the travel agency and ask for Maria. AM and the SC would be in the car across the street observing the exchange and monitor the situation with our cheap REI walkie-talkies.
So we got them calmed down and settled in for the briefing of day one activity - which actually was the next day as they arrived late on a Thursday.
Okay Day One plan.
I had met with a friend who worked at a local travel agency a couple of days prior to their arrival. I will call her Field Agent Maria. Maria’s Travel Agency is about two blocks from our house and we sat down to plan a ‘pick up’ of the first clue or ‘data drop’ as the Supreme Commander calls it. Agent Maria was to be in her office around 11AM on Friday and have a travel package for Agent L. In the travel packet was another clue as to the next phase of the secret mission. Now the fun starts - rehearsal.
AL was to enter the travel agency and ask for Maria. He then would go to her office (she had seniority and thus an actual office) and Maria would then launch into the core phrase that would authenticate her to AL and he would respond with his own authentication phrase. It went like this:
Maria, “How can I help you today?”
AL,”I am interested in a trip to Monte Carlo.”
Maria, “Will you be traveling first class?”
AL, “Of course.”
After several gut bustlingly funny rehearsals the SC had to make a cheat sheet of AL authentication phrase. After all one cannot be taken seriously if there are interested in a trip to ‘Monte Zuma.’ On a 3x5 index card AL’s phrases were written down and after only two rehearsals the team was deemed good to go.
Agent Valeria Hotkoffee and AL left the house and began the walk to the travel agency with great optimism and one half of the cheap pair of walkie-talkies. AM and SC got into the car and drove the opposite way around the block to settle into the bank parking lot across the street with a small pair of binoculars, a walkie-talkie and would observe the pickup and then extract AL and Valeria Hotkoffee farther up the Avenue and return to mission HQ. AM said this is the best game ever, even better than video games. SC thought it was too and also thought “What could possibly go wrong?”
SC and AM parked in the bank parking lot and the chatter on the walkie-talkies between agents went something like this:
AM, “AL are you there? AL DO YOU HEAR ME?
Response - “Murble, mumble, static, STOP IT!, I KNOW! Over.”
AM, “ I CAN’T HEAR YOU! STOP HOLDING IT SO CLOSE!
AM, “NO I’M NOT YOU”RE A (static, distortion and sounds of a struggle with a posse of zombies)”
The SC stepped in and coached AM to talk quietly as Agents never like to draw attention to themselves. Hold the walkie-talkie about 6 inches from your mouth and speak normally. That and never use your real names. SC then asked for Agent VH and asked her to do the same on her end. In a incredibly cool coincidence a San Jose Police car pulled into the bank parking lot. The SC used this opportunity to create a stir and asked AM to warn AL that we had to change our position due to the arrival of the local police. The transmission sounded like this:
“COPS!”
Whoa there. The SC then grabbed the walkie-talkie and said that we are moving positions as we are dodging the man and will be back online after we relocate. Remain calm and act normal.
In a new bank parking lot the operations team settled and after a few exchanges on the wireless devices Agent VH signaled AL was going in.
The next part speaks to the faith in a focused kid. Flawlessly AL went into the travel Agency and post mission reports said he executed his catch phrase while reading it off his 3x5 card, was a perfect gentleman and exited the travel agency.
Wireless chatter ensued:
AL - “I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
AM - “RUN!”
Crap, Agent VH was chasing a 10 year old who was holding a travel packet over his head like the Olympic torch and running as fast as his adrenal gland could empty. Unacceptable. SC started the car and took off as Agents never run and we could not be seen with all the attention AL was drawing to himself so off we went, with a confused 10 year old running and screaming after us and a lot of folks wondering what the hell was going on.
SC figured that AL had about a block’s worth of energy at top speed and was right. AL pooped out before SC made the turn to go around the block and find a new covert place to park. After a wireless exchange of who was at fault we talked the field agents into the car and the Agents talked themselves out all the way home.
Next up – retrieve a jump drive for a satellite download with more mission instructions.
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