Okay, it's been awhile but I wanted to update you on crossfit, and yoga.
Note: Blaving means to forcefully tell the truth.
Crossfit is for psychotic masochists with OCD. It is essentially a bit of stretching, a series of Olympic lifts, jr high calisthenics and trying not to puke. Resulting in: groin pulls, popped hamstrings, back sprains, wrist injuries, shoulder injuries, and soreness past your core being into your bone marrow.
It is the furthest thing from fitness and seems to be made for the pain, gain and sprain crowd. After stretching, which is a loose description as the 20-something's in class are loose enough to auto-fellate themselves (we've all been there). After 5 minutes of "stretching" there is a series of Olympic style lifts:
Dead lift. Which is the lift that makes people over 50 poop a little.
Front Jerk Lift. Which is not the guy who wears doll clothes and sits in the lobby soaked with hideous man-sweat admiring his physiology. It is the deadlift plus popping the bar up to your shoulders, elbows up and for us old guys, wrists trapped against the top of our man boobs.
Clean Overheads. The first two plus an unimaginable strain on your back as the weight is pressed quickly overhead to make sure you shit yourself and can't put it down as the thought of moving the dead weight makes you want to pee.
Then squats in a set called five to one. Five at a warm up weight. Four at a moderate weight. Three at a near max weight. Two at max weight. And one to separate your groin for your pelvic floor in the full squat position that leaves the participant no choice but to stand up with the weight or your ass splits to your shoulder blades, your knees turn white and the meniscus squeezes out the side like egg salad.
Add in burpees, which if typed on a mobile with auto korrect is literally 'hurlers.' Try it.
Handstand push ups to reinforce the fact you are a pussy and can't do a handstand even using the wall. Work in pull ups which completely fuqs up your keyboarding skillz, and finish with a series of jumps onto large wooden boxes which is easy for two jumps and then us old folks look like we have no spatial capabilities as we land one footed, fall off and look for a box the height of a 3tb hard drive.
Fast forward two weeks and I can now sit on the toilet. My groin is healed and the breathing, strength and minute alignment of yoga is civilized compared to the damage I did in one crossfit class.
Truer words one will most likely never hear. Girls like guys with skills. All types of skills. Since the Agents are reaching the age where the opposite sex is becoming interesting I decided to give them some skills, and bragging rights with an overnight backpacking trip. So the Supreme Commander set up a trip in the Cascades in Washington. It was to be an overnight survival skills building trip. As I explained it, “Agents, after this trip you will make Bear Grylls look like a hand model.” Agent Hotkoffee used another word involving hand to describe the Bear, again this is a family blog. Agent Hofkoffee thought it was a great idea and she volunteered to assist with the training. Since she is more than qualified I asked her along. Figured I needed it in case the agents went off the rails. Okay, more like when the agents go off the rails. The trip was scheduled for one night in the woods off Boulder Creek Trail in the Darrington National Forest. The hike into the campsite is a moderate hi...
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